Monday, January 4

Another Single Black Woman??

**Disclaimer: I am a black woman, I love my fellow black women, and I love my black men as well. This is my honest opinion, I don't mind anyone that feels differently than I do but please be respectful with your rebuttals. Thanks!

Okay, so I don't know if you've noticed, but YouTube, blogs, forums, and just black people in general are ablaze about this ABC News Segment on black women being single. Before reading this post, please take the time to either watch the video or read the article HERE.

Beware, I'm sure you can already tell that I'm long-winded so this might be a long one!

Let's start with pure numbers. Like the video said, even if EVERY black man married a black woman 1 in 12 (or 8% of) black women would have no spouse. ABC then subtracts the number of men that are un-employed, with no HS diploma, and who are incarcerated, which left 54% of the men as being "acceptable." That takes the 8% of women that would hypothetically be husband-less (if all black men married black women) to about 50% (if I did my math right... but this is not a scientific study, just a blog, so you get the gist of what I'm saying). And then once you take out the percentage of men who have a preference for women of other races/ethnicities and men who have a preference for men, that percentage will grow even larger. So, in short, there is a disproportionate number of black men to black women. And once you put the label of "successful" or "college educated" in front, the difference is that much greater. But we all know that. I could go on and on spouting numbers and percentages but that's not where I'm going with this. So what's a black woman to do? Right? Well, let's take a look.

Come on girls, our expectations can be, at times, impossible or damn near it, for a man to achieve. But as with MOST things in life, you cannot expect a man to reach ALL of your expectations. I always remember seeing posters in my teachers' classrooms in grade-school saying "Reach for the moon! If you fall short, you'll always be among the stars." and I think the same principle applies when looking for a boyfriend/husband/man. Yes, it's okay to want that perfect man that makes a ton of money, is college educated, treats his mother right, and looks like Morris Chestnut (my sexy chocolate man-crush) to boot BUT that's not always possible. So what if the man that's interested in you doesn't have meet all of your requirements? And no, by no means should any of us settle for less than we deserve. But we, as black women, need to take a moment to decide what's most important and let everything else go... or at least place it further down on the list. A lot of black women say "I don't want to settle. I have standards." and that's fine, but it's not impossible to set standards too high. And if your standards are that high then you must be willing to wait and be okay with the idea that you may never find a black man that meets the requirements that you've set.

And while I'm on the subject of black men again: why are we limiting ourselves to only black men?? The black men that are most successful (or in a position to be most successful be it that he's a college student, successful in the military, etc) are not limiting themselves to black women. If they aren't dating or married to a woman of another race, they have in the past. So why are we so stuck on finding our "Black King" when the man of our dreams might be White? Or Asian? Or Hispanic? get where I'm going. It goes back to limiting reagents highschool chemistry:
(A limiting reagent) is the chemical that determines how far the reaction will go before the chemical in question gets "used up", causing the reaction to stop. The chemical of which there are fewer moles than the proportion requires is the limiting reagent.
Black men are our limiting reagent... and if we limit ourselves to only black men, then when they're all used up, we're S.O.L. (and alone) right?

So my suggestion to any black women is to stop putting so many stipulations on what your ideal man has to be. Make a list of no more than five things that you are unwilling to compromise on and loosen up on everything else. Either that or prepare yourself for the possiblity that your perfect man (black, 6'0" or taller, making six figures, no kids, and the list goes on) is not out there and you must be satisfied to be successful on your own (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with that... "I can do bad all by myslef!").

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